Hospitality
by Kagetora no Tsume
Summary: Beatrice has run out of ideas for the next game, and has a few questions for Battler that may just give her a HORRIBLE new plan...  Might continue this in future, if I do, rating is subject to change.


Hey guys! I'm updating! It's a miracle, I know.

We had a journal assignment in class, and my prompt somehow turned into a fanfic, so I thought 'Why not post it? Then I can at least pretend that I was trying to get some more stories up.' So...yeah. Here it is. ^^

The prompt was 'spend 30 seconds writing down a list of things you would find in a hospital'.

Once we'd done that, the prompt was 'now write a story containing those things that does NOT take place in a hospital, doctor's office, or dentist's office.'

Yeah, my teacher's evil like that.

Well, it was Spirit Week, and for 'Game Day' I had dressed as Beatrice (schoolgirl outfit - I couldn't find the ball gown) so I decided to have a consistent theme, and go with an Umineko fanfic. So here it is! And, sadly, I don't own the series.

But on the up side, now I can't be sued for copyrights!

* * *

Beatrice sat in front of the window, an un-opened magazine in her lap, trying to think up a plan for the next game. After the previous game, where she had done a zoo theme, she was running out of ideas. A light sigh escaped her lips, as a golden butterfly drifted lazily past.

"I don't know, Ronove, what do you think? I need something original for the next theme..."

The dark-haired demon stepped forward, the light glinting off his gold monocle.

"Perhaps, Milady, you should ask some questions of Master Battler, and use his answers to formulate the next game."

Beatrice clapped her hands together, a joyful smile gracing her face.

"It's PERFECT-O! Ronove, you truly are a genius."

The demon butler nodded his thanks as Beatrice vanished into a cloud of golden butterflies.

* * *

Battler was asleep; or at least he had been, until the incessant tugging at his red locks had awakened him from his pleasant, harem-filled dream.

"Battler, come on! Wake up, damnit! Don't make me get the goat butlers!"

With a groan, he sat up, glaring at the blonde groggily.

"Whaddya want, Beato? Lemmie sleep..."

"No! Not till you answer some questions for me!" the golden witch persisted, her hands still tugging at his hair in an almost child-like manner.

Another groan.

"Fine, fine. What's the question?"

"What is your favorite color?"

"...heh? Where's this coming from all of a sudden?" he asked.

"Well, go on! Answer it!"

"Um...green, I guess."

She seemed to think about this for a second, then shook her head.

"No, no, that won't do...what's your favorite pastime?" she tried.

"Sleeping."

This earned him a glare, but she didn't go away.

"How about your least favorite place?"

It was Battler's turn to glare.

"Why?"

"Just answer the question! Then you can get back to sleep!"

"Fine. Hm...the hospital. All those needles, IV's, machines..."

"Machines?"

"Yeah, you know, X-rays, ca scans, ultrasounds, oxygen machines...it's scary to have to be put inside one of those giant hunks of metal..."

Beatrice's eyes lit up, and Battler instantly knew he should have lied about his least favorite place. That look could only mean one thing...

"Yes! That's it!"

She snapped her fingers, her 'call button' for Ronove, and the butler appeared beside her in a cloud of golden butterflies.

"You call milady?"

"Yes. I'm going to need hospital supplies."

Ronove's mouth twitched up into a smile, and he half-bowed as he spoke.

"I have already acquired surgical masks, as well as doctor, nurse, and surgeon costumes, and have assembled the Purgatory sisters and the Siestas."

The blonde smiled, summoning her pipe.

"Wonderful! Just get some tubing, anesthetic, and scalpels, and we're good to go!"

Battler could feel himself sinking down into his bed as the two talked.

As if it wasn't bad enough that this crazy witch was locked in an endless game with him, and he was forced to watch his family be killed over and over, but now he had to disprove her magic while having to deal with her hospital-themed murders?

Battler shuddered at the thoughts crowding his mind - Maria, hanged with an IV tube, his parents, crushed in X-ray machined, Shannon and Jessica, lying under surgical lights, dissected.

He sank under the covers, but Beatrice was having NONE of that, and flung the curtains open joyfully, letting sunlight stream in.

"Come on Battler, this game will be GREAT! I can't wait to use the surgical equiptment!"

Battler groaned softly as Beato continued to talk in the background, going on about how ironic hospital-themed killings were.

Why, why WHY had he spoken?

* * *

My sincerest apologies if that didn't live up to my other work. (Which I suspect it probably didn't.) I absolutely suck at handwriting stories, and I didn't bother re-typing any of it to make it sound better.

Maybe when I get more time, I'll go back through and fix this.

(TohrutheGreat mutters 'yeah right'.)

(P.S. - You have no idea how many times I lost the game while writing this.

...

You're all going to kill me now, aren't you?

Well, at least I'll get lots of reviews about it!)

Good night, and happy reading! ^^ This is Kage-Tora no Tsume, signing off.


End file.
